i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize