I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
