so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
