Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
birth control should be required to get into college
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
