You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
