sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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