i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
