I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
