Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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