I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
