Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
