I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
