Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
