i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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