Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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