I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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