you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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