i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
