for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So much rum. So many feels.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
