I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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