I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
