just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
