I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
