So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
