I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
