Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
