Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
