Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
