what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
