pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
