It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
