When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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