Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Blood and glitter go together right?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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