You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
