there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
