Where is the hickey?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
