Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
