hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
