So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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