i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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