Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
