i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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