My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
