WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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