I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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