4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
