Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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