I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
her vagine was all disorganized.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
