I seem to have left my pride at pride
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
