Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
