the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
