you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
