no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
