either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
