Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
