Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
