I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
