the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
