You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
