Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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