So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
