why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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