tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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