he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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