No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
