i think my tv is drunk
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
