Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
ttyl tear gas
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize