what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
