I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
