Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
