Princesses don't give blow jobs
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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