your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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