He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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