She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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