shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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