Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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