My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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