Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
