Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
