She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize