she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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