so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
