if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
this will be a night to untag.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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