I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
