i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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