Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
