are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize