8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
