he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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