omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
