This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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